


Destiel Fanfic Season 15 Episode 5: In Any Universe

by FindingFrancis



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Hopeful Ending, Dean Winchester-centric, Destiel Fanfic, Destiel is endgame, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Mentions of War, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Pining, Post-Season/Series 14, Season 15, dean confronts his feelings, surprise character - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-24 00:26:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19162072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FindingFrancis/pseuds/FindingFrancis
Summary: Season 15, Episode 5: Dean is reeling from finding out Cas doesn't see him with anything more than 'brotherly' affection. He tries to deal with his feelings the Winchester Way but ends up somewhere far away from home.Dean meets a stranger and through their time together he finds purpose and direction. And he knows he has to find a way back to Cas.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Credits**  
>  Author: [Finding Francis](https://www.archiveofourown.org/users/FindingFrancis) ([Bees and Broomsticks on Tumblr](https://www.beesandbroomsticks.tumblr.com/))  
> Artist: [Reaperlove](https://www.archiveofourown.org/users/reaperlove)  
> Thank you to everyone in the s15 discord group. You guys have been absolutely wonderful and supportive!
> 
> About Destiel Fanfic Season 15:
> 
> Welcome to the Destiel Fanfic Season 15 Project! This series will comprise of 20 episodes (as separate works under the DestielFanficSeason15 collection) posting every Thursday for 20 weeks during the hiatus between season 14 and 15. This project is a collaboration between a group of authors, artists and betas. Each week different authors and artists will take part, with various configuration of authors and artists working in teams for each episode.
> 
> The endnotes will be updated with a link to the next episode once it posts, and you can always see all works in the collection here. Please also consider joining us on tumblr at [destielfanficseason16](https://destielfanficseason16.tumblr.com/) and [destielwritersroom](https://destielwritersroom.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Notes on the series: Destiel is endgame. While this fic is rated for PG-13, other fics in the series will be rated a lot higher, some Explicit. Please read the tags for individual episodes.

::: CHAPTER ONE :::

Dean is taking inventory of the room even though his eyes are still closed from sleeping. It’s a habit that was forged from trying to avoid a drunk dad, fleeing one-night-stands, little brothers, or monsters. He likes having the advantage and surprise of planning escape routes while people think he’s still asleep. So, he breathes in the slightly stale - yet comforting smell of the bunker. It reminds Dean of the large, old libraries he and Sam have frequented all over the country, with an added, ever-present scent of apple pie.

Dean has realized he’s in his room in the bunker and by the lack of sounds in his room, that he’s alone. He allows himself a groan as he stretches and listens to the creaks and groans that emanate from a body that has seen far too much trauma for its relatively short amount of years. He hugs his pillow and cracks an eye open, suddenly remembering what happened the night before.

Right. So Dean went and got super jealous that Cas was texting and talking to someone yesterday. And on the car ride home after killing the Erote, Hedylogos, Dean received a proverbial junk punch when he learned that Cas didn’t want a damn thing to do with Dean other than in a ‘brotherly’ way. 

“Dean, you’re my family and I love you, but the people I choose to - how did you put it? - ‘Hook up’ with? That’s my choice. Thanks for looking out for me, but I’m fine.”

If those words didn’t make Dean the Crosswalk Guard of the Friend Zone, he didn’t know what would.

But it’s too early to want to go throw himself in front of a bus over his embarrassment, so he pushes every feeling down into the already-overstuffed suitcase of feelings he doesn’t want to fucking deal with right now and sets his sights on something he can get.

Coffee. Nectar of life. Savior of bear-like non-morning people.

He swings his feet over the edge of the bed, fumbles for his Dead Man Robe, and shuffles to the kitchen. 

He’s almost to the coffee pot when he spots Cas sitting quietly at the table.

“Morning, Sunshine!” It doesn’t matter how Dean feels or what his relationship with Cas is at the moment. Not giving Cas his morning greeting just feels wrong. And today it doesn’t even come out with a touch of sarcasm. Just a super sharp knife to the gut. He doesn’t want you. He doesn’t want you. He doesn’t want you.

Dean takes a large breath to push all of the hurt and feelings into the cage that’s housed somewhere between his heart and his depleted storage of hope. 

“Hello, Dean.”

And fuck that because it doesn’t matter which one of Dean’s thousands of brilliant personalities he’s feeling at the time, those two words will always attempt to buckle his knees. Because Dean knows what it’s like to try to go on in life without them and know you’re never going to hear it again.

Fuck, why would Cas want anything to do with him? Dean is 10 pounds of “fucked up” in a 5-pound bag. And why would Dean want to go and potentially ruin what they have now?

Because it could be even better than it is now, a tiny voice says in the back of his mind that sounds suspiciously like Sam.

But that’s an evaluation to leave for Caffeinated Dean.

Dean clears his throat and tries to shake the weight of feelings off. “How was your night, Cas?”

“Pretty uneventful. I researched the Erotes and then watched some episodes of Nailed It!. The contestants make me feel a lot better about my lack of cooking skills.”

Dean’s traitorous mouth quirks into a grin without his permission. How can a grown-ass man be so adorable? “Yeah, your cooking skills are definitely not why we keep you around. So, anything interesting about the Erotes?”

“Nothing much beyond what I already knew. They are associated with love and sexual intercourse and there are enough of them that we can quite easily predict what they might do next. We also don’t know how many of them are in our world already.”

Dean’s face heats up. Sexual intercourse. He can’t stop his brain from picturing Cas shirtless and laid out on his bed, looking up at Dean. And those thoughts make Dean feel equal parts interested and guilty because he knows he shouldn’t have those thoughts.

He was raised with John Winchester, the manliest man to ever man. The man who was so set in his ways and views and didn’t care if he came off as racist or homophobic. He had a singular mission in life - to avenge his wife - and fuck anyone who got in his way.

Dean wanted to make his dad happy so he would pick up John’s mannerisms and try to emulate everything the man did or said, just hoping that John would notice and give him praise. It embarrasses Dean now to think about how he used to do so much just to get any small amount of recognition and feel like someone appreciated and noticed him. 

But thank Baby Jesus for Bobby and his little pocket of pseudo-normalcy that he granted Dean and Sam when they were around. And thank goodness for Sam going to Stanford. It broke Dean’s heart when he left, but one of the good things he brought back was a different perspective on life and the way people are treated and should be treated; perspectives that showed him everyone didn’t think the same as John Winchester

His giant of a brother would lecture and rave at Dean about matters of social importance and try to get it in Dean’s thick head that John Winchester actually wasn’t a great person and that the brothers could do better. Sam taught Dean about the queer community, environmental issues, and racial injustices. And thank fuck because that wasn’t something Dean was able to learn about while only attending schools for short amounts of time while growing up. Where he wasn’t in any school long enough to strike up conversations or form any type of relationship with anyone.

Dean shakes his head and wonders how he could ever have thought his father was a good person. But that’s the kicker about broken families. There’s this disconnect that’s hard to reconcile where you have memories of them being exceptionally awful, yet memories of them seeming to care about you in the way they read you bedtime stories or listening to you ramble about things they probably didn’t give two shits about. But the good doesn't outweigh the bad and the trauma, it just makes the few ‘normal’ moments harder to understand.

It took so many years for Dean to unravel the trauma that was John Winchester and think that it might be remotely okay for him to be attracted to more than one gender. Dean’s not sure if he’s still even over it when his initial response to finding another male attractive is to recoil and try to over-hetero on something else. And Cas definitely doesn’t deserve to be with someone like that. He deserves the moon and the stars and someone who will always be there for him. Someone who isn’t broken and can talk about their feelings without running away or looking constipated. Dean knows that he himself won’t get a happily ever after, but damn he’d like to have one and as much as it would hurt, Cas deserves the fairytale ending the most and he hopes with everything he is that he’ll get it.

“Dean?”

Dean snaps his head up from where he had been staring off into the distance and finds Cas staring perplexedly at him, with his head cocked to one side. “Yeah, sorry man. I zoned out for a second there. I don’t think I got enough sleep last night, so I’m going to go back to bed.”

Dean has to get the hell away from Cas just for a little bit. His emotions are warring with each other and he knows he can’t straighten a damn thing out until he has some space to think.

“Ok, Dean. Have a good rest. I’ll go back to the library and see if I can help Sam with some more research.” Cas’ voice is sincere, but his eyebrows are still pinched together as he stares at Dean, as if he knows that Dean really isn’t tired, but he’s too kind to say so.

Dean pushes his chair back from the table in a rush to leave the kitchen and trips over the leg of the chair, almost causing him to spill coffee all over himself. “Right, yeah, I’ll just - I’m going to go back to bed now. Bye.”

Dean flees from the room and misses the devastating look on Cas’ face. Cas feels such a Draw towards Dean even after their massive fight about Jack. He can feel the longing to be just near Dean even with his Grace tamping down the intensity of most feelings. He wants so badly just to run after Dean, but after their encounter with Chuck, he doesn’t know what he should feel and what feelings are actually his own and what is Chuck’s influence. He also doesn’t know if the issue with Chuck makes his deal with the Empty null and void or if the Empty is a separate situation from Chuck. He can’t let himself be fully happy and share himself with Dean until he has more answers. So he sits in the quiet corner of the kitchen, listening to the whir of the refrigerator and just feels loneliness.


	2. Chapter 2

::: CHAPTER TWO :::

Dean walks out of the kitchen and starts to pop into the library to grab any book that he can take to his room and use as an excuse to hide out in there with.

He’s almost to the entrance when he spots Sam and Rowena sitting next to each other at the table. They’re sitting far too close to just be friendly when there’s plenty of space and seating to be had and they keep glancing at each other when they think the other isn’t looking. 

Dean knows that he joked about Rowena and Sam getting together, but seeing the eventuality of the situation rips any amount of hope right out of Dean. Here is Rowena, a non-human, with Sam, a man who has been through literal hell and back. Their stories run parallel to his and Cas’ but it seems so easy for Sam and Rowena to get past everything and look happy. He and Cas have been through so much for so many years and haven’t done anything more than hug and he can’t help but feel like life is a cruel fucking joke that he’s the butt of. 

But wait, isn’t he though? Chuck thinks their lives are a fucking game. The only thing worse than going through shit and living is going through shit, living, and then realizing there was no point to the misery other than entertainment. 

But with everything they’ve been through and the realization of the level of Chuck’s meddling, Sam and Rowena don’t appear to be terribly affected. They look as if they’re allowing themselves to grab happiness while they can.

Dean can’t help but think he is broken or cursed. He’s the man who will always come close to some sense of normality but will only be able to watch happiness through a glass window. 

He brings his knuckles up to his mouth to bite on them for fear of letting a sob escape. He has lived all of his life on fumes of hope, a ‘can-do’ attitude, and beer. And he’s currently out of all three. He’s just so fucking tired of trying to hold it all together and think that it’s all going to get better and nothing is going to change and that he’s not stuck in the universe’s most horrible version of Groundhog Day.

He starts to get the itchy feeling in his brain and body that he knows will slowly rise until he hurts something, someone, himself or he gets the hell out of the bunker. He knows that when he is swerving right, he needs to swerve left. And since he is swerving into the realm of pining over Cas and wanting to sit in a dark room and pull on his hair just to feel something, he knows he needs to cope with it in the only legal way possible and to bury himself in a warm, female body instead of in self-doubt. He can’t even think of trying to explore what it’d be like to be with another man if that man wasn’t Cas. It would strangely feel too much like cheating. Bagging a chick and losing himself in carnal desires for at least an hour is something he can do. He can slip into his alpha male persona as easily as breathing. After years of practice trying to portray the person he knew his dad wanted him to be, it was second nature by now.

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Dean slams the door of Baby shut and walks to the entrance of the dive bar he’s arrived at. The good and bad thing about living in the bunker in the middle of fucking nowhere is that you have to drive a few towns over to get to a decent bar. It’s good for keeping his every-day life separate from his “extracurricular activities”, but it makes getting home a little difficult after many rounds of drinks unless he goes home with someone else. But that is the goal of tonight, yes?

Dean’s eyes adjust to the dingy atmosphere, the strings of lights and neon signs giving highlights to the shapes of people, but hiding any major flaws until you get close enough to care to evaluate. Most of the time, he would grab a beer and just start prowling, setting sights on the easiest sexual mark in the place. But he makes a beeline for the bar and pulls up a stool because he’s not ready to evaluate just yet.

Dean knows he needs to be at this bar to numb the feelings and to try to fuck the idea of Cas out of his system, but he’s just not as into as he normally would be. Whose to say Chuck isn’t writing a chapter for Dean right now and no matter what Dean does tonight it won’t matter and he’ll end up wherever Chuck wants him to anyway. But he needs to at least try to do something or he’ll just sit and fume and pine all night. So, he’s going to sit at the bar and soak up some liquid courage before making an attempt to get lucky.

He’s halfway through his second whiskey when he hears the scrape of the bar stool next to him. He glances over his shoulder to see who the newcomer is and does a double take. The woman is stunning; She hits almost all of the checkmarks on Dean’s wishlist in womanly appearances. She has dark, wavy hair, intense eyes, plush lips, and a feisty look to her.

She notices him looking at her and she shyly says, “Hi, I saw you walk in and I ordered us a few drinks. While I was getting up the courage to come talk to you I realized you probably won’t drink this wine I ordered you.”

Wine is usually just a giant “ew” from Dean. But Dean really needs to get laid so he says, “Well, for you, I’ll gladly drink it. What’s your name?”

The woman coyly looks at him as she hands him the drink. “Piper, what’s yours?” The “i” in her name sounding like “eye” with her southern twang.

“Dean. Very nice to meet you. Cheers.” Dean tips the wine back, trying not to wince at the awful taste of the red wine and he marvels at how a drink could possibly make you more thirsty.

“The pleasure is all mine”, Piper purrs.

That’s the last thing Dean remembers.


	3. Chapter 3

::: CHAPTER THREE :::

Dean feels like such awful shit. So much so that he doesn’t even attempt to slowly wake up and gather his surroundings. He just groans and tries to keep his last meal down while trying to hold his skull together from the pounding headache.

He hears a deep chuckle behind him. “Nice of you to grace us with your presence.”

Dean whips his head around at the unknown voice, immediately regretting the movement as he pukes his guts up at the feet of this stranger.

“I had heard stories of how vile humans are, but I had no idea they could be so thoroughly disgusting and smell so badly.”

“Listen, asshole. You are entirely too rude for me to deal with right now, so why don’t you tell me who the hell you are and why you have me alone in the woods.”

The man’s face quickly shifts into a familiar set of facial features. “Darlin’, it’s me, Piper! Don’t you recognize me?” Piper’s face changes into the man’s once again.

“Fuck me, you’re a shapeshifter.” Dean can’t believe he was so stupid not to check for the presence of something supernatural before he started talking to someone or god-forbid drinking something they gave him. He was so caught up in getting laid that his self-preservation skills just went out the window. And now doesn’t know where he is and no one knows where he is either. His dad would kick his ass if he was around to witness this rookie mistake. On second thought, he’d probably be so disappointed that he’d leave Dean there for a few days to make sure he thought long and hard about how much of an idiot he was.

The other man scoffs, looking indignant. “I assure you I am not one of your Earth’s abominations whose sole purpose is being nothing more than good cannon fodder. I am Pothos, part of the Erotes and one of Aphrodite’s retinue. Since angering your God, the veils have become thinner between the multiple universes, making it easier to step into worlds and take our fill.”

“Your fill? Your fill of what?”

“What do you think, boy? Power!”

“Ok, but what does that have to do with the reason that I’m in the woods in...Kansas? Fuck, these don’t look like any type of woods in Kansas.”

“You are not in Kansas anymore.” Dean snorts despite the situation he’s in. “You are not even in your own world. You are here because your pathetic stench of longing, yearning, and desire for that so-called angel of yours drew me like a moth to flame. And I heard of Hedylogos’ attempt at stealing the angel’s grace to which I agree was a good idea, but I won’t make the same mistakes at trying to extract it. So you are going to stay here until you are so far beyond hope that longing will not even be an option, and then I’ll come to you.”

Dean’s stomach falls to his feet and it’s not due to queasiness this time. Trapped in a freaking different world with no backup and with only the two knives that he strapped to his body before he left the bunker and he doesn’t even know if they are silver blades. But wallowing isn’t going to get him anywhere and this is isn’t the first “other world” he’s even been to. So, same shit different day, right? Now he just has to stay calm and get the hell away from this idiot. “Ok, thanks for nothing, bye!”

Pothos darkly chuckles. “You will suffer and suffer greatly and then I will be here when you are at your lowest. I will end you and take your body back to your angel so there won’t be any feelings of longing or yearning, only devastation. Then your angel will freely give me his grace”

“Sorry to break it to you, buddy, but the angel doesn’t feel any ‘longing’ and he’s not going to give you shit.” 

Pothos gives Dean a smirk that tells him he has more information than he’s willing to share. He feels pressure around his body, making his ears feel like they need to pop and then Pothos is gone, along with the feeling of the pressure. Along with any chance he had of getting back home.

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Dean wants to yell a giant, “FUCK!” at the sky due to his particular predicament, but he knows better because there’s no telling what else is in the woods with him. He bends down to take the knife from his ankle strap and one from his pocket. They’re not giant knives, nor are they silver, but they’re better than nothing.

He slowly spins in a circle, trying to take in his surroundings. Getting Pothos away from him was his first step, but figuring out what direction he needs to go in and if there are any things that go bump in the night is definitely the second priority. 

The woods are quiet, minus a few sounds of birds in the distance. The air smells fresh and the ground slightly damp from what looks like recent rain. There could be worse places to be stranded. 

The sun is setting and there seems to be only one sun. He has no idea where else to go because all he sees are giant pine trees in every direction, so he decides to head West. 

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Dean has been walking forever and the sun has set long ago. He doesn’t know how long he has been walking.

Who knows if time is the same in this world as it is on Earth. He also hasn’t been walking very fast, weary of what he might be walking on and what else might be waking with him in the dark. All he knows is he is very tired, very hungry, and very thirsty.

He’s continuing at his glacial pace when he hears something rooting in the underbrush about 100 yards to his right. The wind isn’t blowing in his favor and he knows whatever it is has already scented him by now. The only thing he can do is to make sure a tree is at his back and be prepared to defend himself. 

The sounds of the rooting are getting closer and have changed from a normal sniffing sound to one with purpose.

Dean hears the snapping of twigs near the clearing in front of him and out comes an animal that solidifies the fact that he isn’t on his planet anymore.

It was the size of Great Dane with the snout and tusks of a wild boar. And it looked at Dean like he wanted him for dinner. 

The one good thing about John Winchester’s parenting style was that he made sure Sam and Dean had near military-like outdoors and survival training skills. Coupled with the years of beheading monsters who actively tried to eat him, Dean was pretty optimistic on his chance of survival. Unless this beast had something freaky like poisonous breath.

The animal starts charging at Dean and he stays still, poised in a crouch with both knives gripped in his hands. 

Seconds before the beast is close enough to bite him, Dean feints to the left and brings the smaller knife down into the animal, right in between its shoulder blades.

The animal makes a horrific screeching sound at the pain, but it is nowhere close to dying. 

Dean doesn’t even give it a chance to turn around and immediately jumps on its back, wrapping his legs around the animal’s mid-section and squeezing with everything he has.

The animal continues screeching but Dean’s weight is more than it can carry. It starts to stumble and Dean holds on tight as they fall to the ground. 

Continuing to squeeze with his legs, Dean wraps his knife-free hand around the animal’s neck and quickly swipes his larger knife across its throat. 

The beast lets out a gurgling sound as it quickly dies and Dean finally feels it take its last breath. 

He pushes away from the animal, quickly snatches up the knives, and stands upright. He would very much like to skin the beast and eat it but not knowing anything about the animal or how Dean’s Earthly body will react to ingesting it, he decides against it. Getting the shits in his only pair of underwear while stranded on another world sounds worse than hunger right now.

Dean wipes his knives off with a leaf and straps them back on. He has the beast’s blood on him and he doesn’t know if that will attract or deflect other things from hunting him, so he finds the wettest dirt he can and rubs it over as much of himself as he can to help block any scent. 

Dean keeps walking.


	4. Chapter 4

::: CHAPTER FOUR :::

It’s still pitch dark and Dean is nearly out of energy when he smells smoke. More accurately, the smoke from someone’s campfire. He’s immediately on alert, trying to find the source of the smell before he has to decide if it’s going to be good or a bad thing to run into any people out in the woods. If they even have people in this world. 

Walking more slowly than he has been, he grabs a knife and crests the top of a small hill. He can see now that it’s not even a campsite, but a small cabin. Its windows are giving off a soft glow, shining like a welcoming beacon. 

But Dean also knows this is how a lot of fairy tale characters get eaten, so he continues his slow and quiet path towards the cabin. He can see the shadows of thankfully only one person moving throughout.

Dean wants to take inventory of the place and see if there’s anything towards the backside of it that he can take and run off with. If he can’t find anything, he’s going to risk knocking on the door and hoping for a little grandma rather than the Big Bad Wolf.

He turns around the corner of the cabin and checks to make sure the inhabitant isn’t standing where they can see him. Luckily, no one is there, so he goes to rummage through the storage containers resting by the back porch.

The feeling of a gun barrel in the middle of Dean’s back stops him in his tracks.

“Give me one damn good reason I shouldn’t blow tiny pieces of your body across this porch.” 

The voice behind Dean sounds older and has a scratch to it that suggests they haven’t spoken out loud in quite some time. But that doesn’t mean Dean’s stupid and going to underestimate this person. 

“Uh, the clean up would be hell?” Dean goes for an attempt at levity, but he knows he looks suspicious, so he might as well go for the half-truth and hope this person has an ounce of compassion. “Listen, man, someone dumped me in these woods to try to get to someone I care about. I am a long way from home and I just wanted to find some food and water and maybe shelter so I could start trying to figure out how to get back.”

“Turn around, boy.”

Dean lifts his hands above his head and slowly turns around. The man’s face looks slightly familiar, but he can’t place it. His hair is white and silver, hanging at different lengths like he cuts it himself. His face has a leathery texture to it from being outdoors a lot and his face is set in an almost permanent grimace.

The man’s eyebrows raise in surprise when they first look at each other and then he gives a raspy chuckle. “Hello, Dean.”

Dean’s jaw drops and then moves up and down without a sound as he tries to fathom why this random person in the woods would know who he is.

The man looks like he’s trying not to smile as he walks towards the backdoor. “Well, are you going to stand out there with your thumb up your ass, or are you going to come inside before something else tries to eat you?”

“How did you know something was trying to eat me?” Dean asks as he scrambles to follow the man up the steps. Dean’s curiosity as to who this person is outweighs his apprehension at following a stranger into their house.

“I’m pretty sure half the damn mountain heard that beast hollering. Too bad you didn’t haul it here with you; those Veldies are good eatin’.”

“Well, I wasn’t exactly sure if they were safe to eat or not.” The man gives Dean a weird look that makes him realize someone from this planet would know that kind of information, so he tries to change the subject. “So, you know my name somehow, what’s your name?”

“Hmmm, for now, you can call me...Odie”

“Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Odie. It’s been a really long day, so can you please tell me if you plan on killing me?”

“No, Dean, I’m not going to kill you. You can stay the night here as long as you don’t snore like a freight train or gas the place out.”

Dean snorts. “I’m not my brother, so you have nothing to worry about.”

Odie’s face flashes with a brief look of pain and then it smoothes back into his normal scowl.

“You’re not from anywhere near here are you?”

“No, sir. I’m so far from home I don’t even know where home is right now.”

Odie’s gaze flits over Dean’s face like he’s arriving at a conclusion about something. “Well, I’m sure that is a hell of a story, so how about you wash up while I get you something to eat and then you can tell me all about it after a good night’s rest.”

“That sounds freaking awesome, thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Not like I get a lot of visitors around here.” 

He leads through a hallway to the right of the kitchen. The whole cabin is made of exposed pine wood and gas lanterns are hanging sporadically throughout. There aren’t many decorations to speak of, only a few trinkets adorning some of the shelves between the rows of well-worn books. It’s a small space, but it’s cozy and it keeps the elements and ravenous creatures out.

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Dean wakes to the smell of breakfast cooking in the kitchen and groans as he tries to stretch the stiffness out of his body from spending a night on the floor. He wraps a blanket around himself and stumbles towards the smell.

“Well, I’m glad to know that bacon is universal.”

“And a priority.”

“Damn striaght. Now, if only there was coffee, all my dreams would come true.”

“In the percolator on the stove.”

“You are a gift from…” he hesitates because he can’t really say God or Chuck now huh? “...well, you’re a gift, let’s just say that. I’m very glad that I didn’t have to stay the night outside. Thanks again.”

Odie sets a plate and mug of coffee in front of Dean. “You’re welcome. Would you like to tell me now how you got here?”

“I’m too tired to lie, but you’re probably not going to believe a damn word I say.”

“Oh, I think I’ll believe more than you think. Just tell me and let me figure out a conclusion for myself.”

“Fair enough.” Dean takes a sip of coffee and then dives into his story. He doesn’t give specifics like names just in case Odie knows more than he’s saying, but he talks about his relationship with Cas, Chuck, the supernatural, and the narrowing spaces between worlds.

The sun has risen quite a bit by the time Dean is finished with his story and they’ve moved to the living room.

Odie is quiet and stares out of the window for a while, but Dean knows it’s a lot to take in, so he waits for Odie to speak first. Hell, it’s a lot for Dean to take in sometimes. 

Odie finally looks at Dean and asks, “This guy you’ve been on so many adventures with - not your brother - is he your feller?”

Dean’s cheeks go a little pink and he shyly rubs his hand along the back of his neck. Of all the questions he thought Odie might ask, that wasn’t one of them.

“Uh, well, I just recently started being partially okay with the thought that he could be. But he made it clear a few days ago that he wasn’t interested in more than a ‘brotherly’ relationship.”

Odie takes an evaluating look at Dean and doesn’t say anything more, he just gets out of his chair, starts walking towards the kitchen again and calls over his shoulder, “Let’s pack a lunch. I know something you’ll want to see.”

Dean’s curiosity is piqued but he’s not sure how he feels about his giant secret being dismissed so easily. However, he has nothing else to do, so he follows Odie.

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Dean slings the bag holding their lunch over his shoulder and follows Odie out of the back door. He can obviously see the surroundings of the house better now that it’s daylight. There is the outhouse he managed to find in the dark last night, a small tool shed, and a garden.

They make their way out of the yard and follow a small trail south of the cabin. After walking for half an hour or so, Dean notices more rocks covering the ground and it appears that the trees are thinning out.

Odie stops up ahead and looks at Dean. “Are you ready?”

“Umm, sure?” Dean doesn’t know what to expect. I could be a trap, but he doesn’t think so. Odie has a look on his face like he’s about to share a secret instead of a look like he wants to murder Dean. 

Dean carefully follows Odie and once he steps beyond the trees, he sees the infinite expanse of an ocean. The clear skies allow the sun to reflect off of the water, making it look like billions of diamonds are floating on top.

He notices that Odie has led them to a small outcropping that lets them see for miles. Dean slides to the ground and lets out a breathy “Wow”.

He has traipsed over a lot of lands while hunting over the years, but he barely gets to see the ocean. And he’s never had a view like this.

“I thought you might like this place as much as I do. We’re in Oregon by the way. Do you have an Oregon in your world?”

Dean was so caught up in the view, he kind of forgot that Odie was there for a moment. “Yeah, we do and this is great. Thank you.”

Odie just nods while he reaches over to take the pack from Dean.

“While we eat, I want to tell you a story.”

“Alright.” Dean is curious as to what he’s going to tell him, so he just digs into his lunch and gives him his full attention.

“Well, first of all, did they have a Vietnam War where you’re from.”

“Yeah, my dad faught in the war.”

“Well, I did too. Family life wasn’t the greatest growing up, so I jumped at the chance to fight and get the hell away from my dad. He wasn’t the loving and understanding type and I was tired of pretending I was just like him, so I left.

“After basic training, I was shipped out to Hill 55 where a lot of the Marines were located. There was a lot of time spent waiting to get orders and we found ways to entertain ourselves, lest we got restless.

“There was one evening about a week into our stay in Vietnam that I was invited to a gathering; there was going to be smokes, and drinks, and music. I had nothing better to do, so I went and to this day I still don’t know if I regret that decision.

“I saw him sitting quietly at the end of the tent, casually smoking a cigarette and scowling at everything like it offended him. I was drawn to him and wanted to know what he was actually thinking behind that scowl. Turns out he was trying to watch people so he could learn how to dance. He was from a Southern Baptist family and dancing wasn’t allowed in their house.” 

Odie has a faraway look in his eyes, but his soft smile at the memory tells Dean that he doesn’t regret meeting this person in the slightest.

“He and I were inseparable from that moment on. We understood each other in ways I don’t think anyone ever could and certainly never had. We whispered things to each other that we wouldn’t dare tell anyone else. And we discovered each other’s bodies when we could, fumbling in the dark and figuring out that what we had always suspected about ourselves was true. He was ready to leave his whole world behind for me, but he still couldn’t quiet my father’s voice in the back of my head telling me how dissapointed he was with my choices and how he’d rather see me thrown in jail than be in love.

“A year later, we were on patrol when someone in our platoon stepped on a land mine. It didn’t kill my scowling dancer, but enough shrapnel pelted his legs that he was to be sent home. I held his hand in the med tent - the only place where men were allowed to openly comfort other men. I stayed with him as long as I could until I was called on patrol again. Knowing he could get shipped home at any moment, he gave me a piece of paper with his home address on it. He made me promise that I would find him after the war and we would pick up where we left off.

“I kept that paper in my pocket the entire time I was in Vietnam and I believe it got me through the war. But I came home a changed and broken man and I knew he deserved better than what I could offer, so I never went to find him.

“I took a bus out West and I’ve been here ever since.”

Dean watches a single tear run down Odie’s face as he takes a shuddering breath and focuses his eyes on him.

“Dean, I’m telling you this because I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did. In the grand scheme of things, is it really so bad to love another person? Even if they look a little bit like you? Don’t let your daddy dictate your life - especially if he ain’t around to see it. Love like that that survives time and distance and betrayal is a damn rare thing. You grab it by the horns and don’t let go, you hear me?”

“Yes, sir.” Dean’s voice cracks as he makes a promise to Odie. He thinks about walking away from Cas and he can’t even start to imagine what that would feel like. He doesn’t know how Odie is still standing.

They pack up their leftover lunch and walk back to the cabin in silence. Dean can tell that it took a lot for Odie to tell him the story and that he needs time to process.

Odie finally disrupts the quiet when they step through the door. “I’m going to go take a nap. Help yourself to whatever you’d like and we’ll make dinner when I get up.”

Dean nods his assent and goes towards the kitchen to make some more coffee. With a steaming mug in his hands, he wanders over to the bookshelf, curious to see what authors on Earth are also here. He’s scanning the titles when he notices a small picture frame towards the top shelf.

He brings it down and sees that there’s a piece of worn paper stuck in the front of it. The only thing written on it is an address. Dean sucks a breath in. How must it feel to still love someone after so many years, but not be with them? How can Odie still have this information, but not check to see if he’s still alive? Why not pursue happiness even if there’s a slight chance?

Dean realizes he could ask himself the same questions. It’s easy to cast your feelings and opinions on others, but harder to make yourself face the truth. 

He notices that the piece of paper isn’t actually behind the glass but in front of it. Curious as to what could be more valuable than the literal address to happiness, he carefully lifts the paper and immediately drops the mug of coffee.

 

In the photo he uncovered, there are two shirtless men in fatigues with their arms around each other. He’d know the two men from anywhere because one of them he sees in the mirror each morning and the other one is Cas.

He’s gripping the picture frame when Odie rounds the corner, pulled out of bed by the sound of breaking glass. But Dean knows by the look on Odies face that he’s found out the truth.

“You knew? You knew this whole time that I am you? I thought your fucking name was ‘Odie’?”

Odie looks at Dean with a slightly embarrassed smile. “I had to think fast when you turned around and I saw my face staring back at me. I didn’t know what you were, so I thought ‘Old Dean… O.D...Odie. I thought it was pretty clever.”

Dean wants to be mad but since they are mostly the same person, he knows he would have done the same things in his position. Plus, there are more important things to worry about.

“Ok, but why the fuck didn’t you tell me that your man was also Cas?”

Odie stops moving. “What did you say?”

Dean points at the photo. “This. This guy right here. Castiel. He’s my angel I was telling you about. This is his face!”

“Castiel James Novak was the love of my life. How is he the love of your life too?”

“I want to tell you that it’s because Chuck is a meddlesome dickwad and wanted to see how our relationships turned out in different universes with different circumstances. But after seeing and experiencing the things I have, I kinda think we’re always meant to find each other. As cheesy as that sounds. You said you felt a pull towards him and I always have as well.”

Odie fumbles for the arm of the chair to hold onto as he half falls into it. “What have I done? I wasted all of that time and let the voice of John Winchester decide my fate for so long and for what? To stay miserable and alone because I thought I deserved it?”

“Change your fucking stars then.”

“What?” Odie looks so lost and Dean can’t help but wonder if he ruined this man’s life by coming here. Was he content in his solitutde? He didn’t know, but he did know there was still a thread of hope for Odie to hold onto.

“Odie, you still have his damn address. You aren’t dead. Go. Find. Cas.”

“He might be dead though. It’s been a long time.”

“Yes, it has, but what good is it going to do if you stay here and wonder ‘what if’?”

Odie sits rigidly in his chair, staring down at the photo that Dean handed back to him.

“Listen, we have both uncovered a shit storm of feelings and information. Let me cook you dinner and then we’ll come up with a plan of attack in the morning, alright?”

Odie gives a slight nod to Dean. He’s never had anyone take care of him and it feels strange, but he’s feeling too much at the moment to care. 

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Dean has breakfast and coffee on the table by the time Odie shuffles out of his room. He still looks a bit lost, but he doesn't look like he’s in shock anymore.

They’re halfway through their breakfast when Dean blurts out, “Promise me you’ll go find him?”

“Dean, I don’t know if I can. How will I survive the heartbreak if he’s dead or if he’s happily married to someone?”

“Listen, I have lost way too many people in my life and I intimately know the feeling of grief and regret. But, I also know that when I find things that belonged to my mom or I hear stories about my friends, I feel a little closer to them and the pain hurts a little less. So, yeah, there’s a chance it’s not going to be a happy ending, but at least it won’t be as painful of one. You have to try. Promise me.”

Dean stubbornly stares at Odie until he croaks out, “I promise.”

Dean leans back from the table and takes a sip of coffee. “Good.”

“What are we going to do about you now? How are you going to get back to your Castiel?”

“I was awake half of the night thinking about what Pothos said before he left. He said that he would come when I’m ‘no longer pining’ for Cas. And after our talks yesterday, I’m not pining anymore. I am determined. I know how I feel about Cas, how I would feel if I couldn’t see him again, and how even if he never wants me, I still have to tell him how I feel.”

“But how does that get you home?”

“I’m going to go a ways away from your cabin so there isn’t a chance Pothos will get wind of you, and then I’m going to think zero pining and longing-related thoughts about Cas. He’ll come to me and I’ll convince him to let me hitch a ride back to Earth with him.”

“And how the hell are you going to do that?”

“I’m pretty sure you’re aware we could both out-stubborn a brick wall,” Dean smirks and hops out of his chair, coming back into the kitchen a few minutes later with all of his belongings. ”Well, I guess this is it. Give me a hug, gramps.”

Dean swears he catches a few cuss words directed his way as Odie stands up, but he gets a hug anyway. Dean holds onto Odie’s shoulders and looks him square in the eyes. “Don’t be a pussy. Go find Cas.” Dean dodges an incoming-smack upside the head as he cackles. “But seriously, thank you for everything. I’ll never forget this.”

“Neither will I, Dean. Good luck.”

Dean gives him a wave as he trots down the porch steps and heads East.

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Pothos stands before Dean in the clearing.

“I’m surprised it took so little time for you to break. The angel’s grace will be mine faster than I planned.”

“Listen, Photos.”

“Pothos. My name is Pothos.”

“Umkay. Anyway, I came to the decision that I really don’t want to die here by myself. If I’m going to die, I’d rather do it on my own planet. Take me to Cas. I know you haven’t been to our universe much, but I’ve been through enough apocalypses to know that if you want Cas to do something, you have to threaten my life. You kill me now and you’ll see wrath like you’ve never known.”

Pothos seems to ponder the new information and Dean holds his breath. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do if Pothos tries to kill him now. He needs to be alive when he’s taken home.

“Fine, we’ll do it your way. You’re going to die regardless, so what does it truly matter?”

Dean tries not to let his excitement show as Pothos grabs ahold of his arm and he feels like he’s being pulled inside out through his belly button.

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Dean doesn’t know how long multi-dimensional travel lasts, but he knows he has to stay cognizant if he wants to stay alive.

Cas, I hope like hell that you can hear me. I am with Pothos, one of the Erotes and he’s headed straight for you. I need you to be ready with an angel blade as soon as we land. Don’t let him get your grace.

Dean repeats his message over and over and over until he lands outside the bunker with Pothos. The site of his home makes him want to cry, but he has more important goals like not dying to take care of first. 

He whirls out of Pothos’ grasp and faces him just in time to see his knight in drab trenchcoat appear behind him.

Dean throws out a, “Surprise, bitch!” as he sees Cas lunge into Pothos’ back with his angel blade. Dean drops to the ground and covers his eyes until the pulsing light fades.

“Dean? Are you alright?”

Dean stands up and throws his arms around his angel. “Holy fuck am I glad to see you.”

“Dean, what happened?”

“Buddy, it’s a long, long story. I’m alright, I promise. Thank you for saving my ass.”

“Anytime, Dean. Is there anything I can do? Would you like me to get Sam?”

“No, no, no. What I really need is to just go to sleep. I’ll talk to Sam in the morning.”

“As you wish.”

Dean can’t even help the adoring look on his face. How could he ever walk away from this?

Cas looks like he wants to ask why Dean is staring at him like that, but Dean starts walking towards the bunker before he can.


	5. Chapter 5

::: CHAPTER FIVE :::

Dean slowly wakes, keeping his eyes closed. He has no idea where the fuck he could be. Is he still in his bed that he went to sleep in? Is he in the cabin and last night was a dream? Is he about to head on another Pothos-guided adventure? 

He listens and can’t make out any sounds. Dean thinks it might be safe so he cracks one eyelid slightly open. He sees an olive drab-colored comforter and quickly glances around the room. Bunker. That’s a start, but is this another fucked up universe?

He slips on the Dead Mad Robe, snatches a knife off the side table, and creeps out of his door. He turns the corner at the end of the hallway and immediately runs into the chest of geeky giant.

Dean quickly makes sure he isn’t about to stab his brother with the knife in his hand. “Shit, sorry.”

“Dean, what the fuck?”

“Sam, I just came back from being thrown into an alternate universe where I got to meet my own old saggy ass. I need to know something you would only know about me and I need to know how many days it’s been since I left to go to the bar.” Dean secretly loves the stupid look on his brother’s face right now.

“Uhhh… Your favorite movie snack used to be Junior Mints, but you had to switch to Twizzlers because you kept putting the box of leftover mints in your jacket pocket and ended up with sticky, stuck-together pockets. And it’s the morning after you left for the bar.”

“Identity verified and I can’t believe it’s only been a night. I couldn’t tell the time passing there, but it was definitely longer than a few days.”

Sam immediately looks panicked. “Are you okay, Dean? Did anything happen to you?”

Dean scratches the back of his neck. “Uhh, yeah, but nothing really bad. I mean, except for killing one of the Erotes, but that wasn’t anything special and Cas helped.”

“Wait, Cas was there?”

“No, dummy, he just helped me kill him when I got back.”

“Um, do you want to talk about all of that?”

“I think I might tell you some of it someday? But I have a lot to process. I’m okay and I’m in desperate need of coffee, so I can tell you a few things while I pour the pot down my throat and then I’m going to go sleep for the next year.”

“If you’re sure? Just know I’m here for you.”

Dean was about to throw out an impulsive Thanks, Mom. But after his time with Odie, he doesn’t want to go back to how he was. So he pats Sam on the shoulder as he passes. “I know, Sam. And thank you.”

Dean shuffles towards the kitchen and Sam stares at his back with scrutiny. He would be worried that wasn’t really his brother walking down the hallway due to the lack of shitty comments and emotional avoidance, but then he watches Dean scratch his ass and make a sound as he stretches his other hand above his head and Sam would know that sound anywhere.

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Dean rinses his “Let’s Yee Some Haw Partner” mug that Cas bought for him when they were in Dodge City last time and the side of his mouth ticks up in a smile. 

He knows he doesn’t want to end up in a desolate place as lonely as Odie. However, Dean knows that if he continues on that same path he’s been on, he’s going to end up just like that. He keeps people at arm’s length and refuses help because John Fucking Winchester taught him how to shoot a gun, but not how to process his feelings. 

He does feel exhausted and plans on sleeping for a good portion of the day like he told Sam he would. Part of this new change in Dean involves trying to tell the truth more, so nap time it is.

He shucks Dead Guy Robe onto the desk chair and burrows under the covers. He always feels safe here. The weight of the blankets and the quiet of the room is like a protective hug. That feeling causes him to wonder what would happen if Cas were lying next to him, wrapping his arm around his chest, not saying a damn word about how Dean is the little spoon and making him feel even safer. He closes his eyes and drifts off thinking of Cas in his bed when he hears a “ding!” coming from his phone. 

He doesn’t have every alert ever set up for notifications as Sam does, so he knows it’s just an email. But seeing as how he only gives his address to people he trusts, he figures he should probably look at it.

He snatches his phone off of the side table and he feels a bittersweet ache in his chest at the familiar email address:

 **From:** queenofmoondoor@gmail.com  
 **Subject:** A Note for Padawan Winchester

 

_Hey, Dean!_

_I don’t know why I’m compelled to tell you this, but there are still quite a few remnants of OG Charlie floating around in this body, so I guess that has something to do with it. But, I felt through The Force that you may need to hear this._

_Charlie knew. She knew and she loved you and she knew you weren’t ready to face yourself or your feelings. But with having her memories, I know she would be so damn proud of you. She always felt that people should follow their happy because there are too many shitty things in the world and what’s the point of trying to make the world a better place when you won’t allow yourself to live in it?_

_Live Long and Prosper,_

_Charlie Nouveau_

_P.S. We’re still writing the good write and doing what we can on our end. Let us know if you have any multi-verse-changing things happening your end._

 

Dean wills his heart to drop down from where it’s lodged in his throat. Of all the things he thought would happen from the time he walked out of the door yesterday, this was as close to the realm of ‘not possible’ as the Pothos shit had been. 

The ache in his chest from missing Charlie and the guilt from not having her in his life is almost crushing. Since he refuses to thank Chuck anymore, he sends out a general ‘thank you’ to the universe. Charlie always knew how to comfort him and she was still doing it beyond the veil - making him feel like he mattered and he was okay and he wasn’t as abnormal and lost as he felt most of the time. 

Wiping his eyes, he hugs his phone to his chest. Dean doesn’t know what the fuck is going to happen, and he doesn’t know if Cas will ever share the same feelings he has for him, but he knows that he has to say something or it will eat him alive. He finally feels like he has direction and that’s something. Something to give him purpose, to get out of bed in the morning, and to actually care if he dies.

And that’s more than he’s had in a very long time.


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